A couple of weeks ago, I had to say goodbye to a dear canine friend. Not one of my own dogs, but of a dear friend, so it did feel very personal. I’ve met many wonderful and loving dogs, but this one was undoubtedly one of the sweetest, gentlest, and most caring dogs I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing. His body had given out, and although we knew the moment was approaching, it still came unexpectedly. His human recognized the signs and made the difficult, heartbreaking decision to let him go. So brave.
The farewell was serene and peaceful. When I arrived, he was happy to see me, and we spent some time cuddling. Then, he lay stretched out on the ground, almost as if he were saying, “I’m ready, let’s do this.” His passing was calm and gentle, exactly the way we had hoped for him.
Grieving the loss of a dog is a personal journey
This loss comes during a year when I’ve had to say goodbye more often. It has reminded me of how deeply personal the grieving process is. While many people go through Elisabeth Kübler-Ross’s five stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance), it’s rarely a linear path. Everyone experiences these stages differently, and they sometimes resurface unexpectedly. Grieving isn’t simply a matter of checking boxes on a list, though we might wish it were that straightforward. It’s a journey with many twists and turns.
Coping with guilt after losing a dog
For some reason, we humans seem to find something to feel guilty about when we lose a loved one. All kinds of thoughts and questions run through our head. Did I do the right thing? Could I have done something differently? What if I had noticed this or that earlier? Etc etc. It seems guilt is intrinsically tied to our love and care. And grieving isn’t just about mourning what we’ve lost—it’s also about grieving what will never be. The moments we’ll never share, the memories we’ll no longer create. This sense of loss is a profound and intrinsic part of the grieving process.
Grief has no timeline
My own losses in the past year have made it abundantly clear to me that grieving has no fixed timeline, and everyone does it in their own way. Sometimes, people imply that grief should be “over” after a few months, as though there’s a standard duration for sadness. These kinds of remarks can be painful and only deepen the sense of loneliness in mourning. The intensity or duration of grief is not a reflection of the depth of our love. How someone grieves depends on personal factors such as life experiences, personality, and previous losses. Grieving isn’t a contest of who feels the deepest or mourns the longest; it’s about finding a way to move forward with the loss as part of your life.
How others can support you through pet loss
Although much of the grieving process happens internally and alone, support from others can play a significant role. A small gesture—a message, a card, or a simple “I’m thinking of you”—can mean the world. Even if the grieving person doesn’t respond, the message still reaches them. Especially in the early stages of loss, people may be so inwardly focused that reaching out is difficult. But that doesn’t mean support and acknowledgment aren’t welcome. On the contrary, knowing there are people who think of you can be a great comfort.
What to say when you don’t know what to say
It can be challenging to support someone who is grieving. It’s understandable not to know what to say, and you may fear saying the wrong thing. But even a simple “I’m thinking of you” can make a big difference. You don’t need to fix the grief—in fact, you can’t. Simply letting the grieving person know they are seen, understood, and supported is usually enough. Words can’t erase the loss, but they can help make it more bearable.
Living between two worlds
When you’ve just lost a loved one—whether human or animal—it can feel as though you’re living between two worlds: the world where they were still with you and the new reality where they’re no longer here. It’s a unique and sometimes confusing phase, and it’s also completely normal. How long it lasts varies greatly from person to person, and it’s important to allow space to process it in your own time.
No wrong way to grieve
Grief has no rules. It’s a personal process that’s different for everyone. To those grieving: give yourself the time and space you need. To those around them: reach out, even if it’s just a small message. Especially with small messages. Knowing there are people who see you and empathize with you often helps a lot more more than you realize. And ultimately, that’s more than enough.
Farewell, dear, sweet Buddy. Thank you for everything you’ve done for your person and for the world around you, for your cuddles and your trust. We’ll miss you terribly.
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